Ohhh...Mass Emails

Dear Fertile Sister In Law,

Thank you for the wonderful mass email you've included me on to detail your new baby's progress. I feel so freaking delighted that you have produced a perfect specimen of a person. I am also so happy that you haven't let my infertility be a downer on your happiness and mention it or make any allowances for it. I would have hated for you to go to the trouble of writing a seperate, sensitive email just for me. That would simply be uncalled for.

It's so wonderful that you'll never have to feel the absolute terror at the thought of never having an opportunity to "naturally" have a baby. That you might never "unnaturally" have a baby. That babies may not figure in your life at all. It's also just grand that you don't realise that your email may have a devestating effect on my sanity. After all, I am just delighted with your baby news. Thanks for not-asking how I'm doing. It really touched me.

Infertily yours,
The Barren One (aka as your Stranger in Law)

HellDays

Well after a holiday to the Sunshine Coast (soon to be renamed Where Everyone has a Gorgeous Baby Coast) we've arrived home and I just picked up the Lucrin for our next cycle. I've doomed it to fail before it starts and then, snap, I'm convinced that this will be the one.

What to Hope For

Hope is a horrible thing sometimes. Certainty is safer. But hope....AF is 3 days late. Now I don't know whether to hope for AF so I can get started with the down reg cycle, test for pregnancy (I mean the odds of that are so low its ridiculous) or start freaking out about having an irregular cycle thrown into the mix.

Every cramp, every pee ... its bloody agony. I think..hmm, no blood (is that a good thing or a bad thing). Maybe I should just POAS and put myself out of my misery. It's a BFN for sure but at least then I know to start freaking out about AF not turning up (keep catastrophising and thinking it won't ever turn up again!)

Over and out...

Waiting

I always seem to be waiting for something or checking for something at the moment. It's driving me batty. I'm so clued in to my body - each twinge means "something". No period today. Well its supposed to arrive in 2 days so I can hurry up and get started on the wonderful BCP. I'm not expecting it to be a success - I just think I want it started and over with asap. Maybe I should send my body a memo (Note : I'm in a hurry - you should be in a hurry too. Thanking you in advance).

ICSI - Take 2

After the disaster of ICSI Take 1 we're back for more. We really can't get enough. In the space of about six months we discovered that Mr B's boys are socially challenged (not a lot of them hanging out down there) and they look a bit weird. Add to that that their insides are fragmented and confused. We then discovered my eggs that are experienced beyond their years. Not really what we expected when we started to plan for getting pregnant.

ICSI Take 2 seems a lot like ICSI Take 1. De ja vu. Same protocol, same problems. Same outcome? Bring on the futility.